Here comes a dark, sarcastic comedy mix of **stalker logic**, **0 IQ romance** and toxic love - of course purely fictional and with eye-rolling humor. 😈💔

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### 1. **Love letter 2.0** 

*"He wrote her 87 messages... without a reply. His diagnosis: *'She's just testing my resolve!*' 🧠🚫*

### 2. **Romantic surprise** 

*"She blocked him everywhere. His reaction: *'Finally time to search her garbage for DNA!*' 🗑️🧬*

### 3. **Relationship status: Creative** 

*"According to the court order, he is only allowed to get within 300 meters... so he sends *a drone with a Valentine's heart*. Efficiency!* 🚁💘

### 4. **Social Media Love** 

*“She has *0 followers* – perfect! Now he can *create* all 10 accounts she’s stalking. Relationship building!* 👥🔍

### 5. **Future planning** 

*“He bought a wedding ring… and a *GPS tracker*. Romance needs security!* 💍📍

### 6. **Poetic confessions** 

*“His poem: *Roses are red, violets are blue, I know where you live, and your password is ‘1234’.* 💌🔐*

### 7. **Math of love** 

*“He loves her *∞ x 0* – that is, infinitely much, but with the mental capacity of a microwave.* ♾️🧠

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**Bonus comment from the “ex”:** 

*“When he *googles* love, it says: *‘See also: claim of ownership, prison, therapy.’*”* 🔍🚔

**Disclaimer:** *All purely fictional – real love needs respect, not *Google Maps History*. 👮♂️❤️*

Even more black humor? Or would you prefer something with *cats planning world domination*? 🐱🌎