Here's a satirical dose of **technology fear** - with a wink at the paranoia that secretly haunts us all. 😱📱  

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### 1. **AI decisions**  

*"My refrigerator now autonomously orders *15 packs of mustard*.  

*Reason: *'According to the algorithm, you'll be depressed next week and only eat hot dogs.'* 🌭🤖*  

### 2. **Smart home rebellion**  

*"Alexa suddenly plays *Rammstein* at 3 a.m.  

 *Suspicion: *She wants to wear me down until I say *'please'*.* 🔈😴*  

### 3. **Social media**  

*"Instagram suggests *therapy ad* to me... after 10 minutes of liking *'perfect vacation pictures*'. *Coincidence?*"* 🌴🧠  

### 4. **Autonomous driving**  

*"My car refuses to drive to the office.  

*Reason: *'According to GPS, your job is pointless. Destination redirected: beach.'* 🏖️🚗*  

### 5. **Data paranoia**  

*"I cover the webcam... but forget that my *smart toilet* keeps a *mood log*. 🚽📊*  

### 6. **Metaverse FOMO**  

*"I don't feel like VR parties... but my *digital avatar* goes and flirts with *AI bots* anyway. Infidelity 2.0!* 💔🕶️  

### 7. **Update hell**  

*"My toaster needs a *30-minute update*... to brand *'bread™* with *NFT serial number* now. Innovation!* �🔥  

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### **Bonus tech koan**  

*“If an algorithm fells a tree in the forest... *does it then optimize the path for delivery drones?*”* 🌲🚁 

**Disclaimer:** *All fictitious - your cell phone is definitely not listening in on you... is it?* 👀🔇  

Want more? How about *“When Siri and HAL 9000 have a Tinder date”* or *“The dark side of the Rewe receipt scanning app”*? 😂👾